Let me destroy your world.

I hold your hand, my head on your shoulder, your arm around my waist. Behind us, a shoe shatters through a window. There are feet pounding heavily across the roof, followed closely by the sound of shingles being ripped from their designated places. They clatter to the grass. Someone shrieks with laughter. I take a drag of my cigarette, you take a sip of your beer. A topless girl runs through the room giggling, dragging a hammer across the walls, leaving gaping destruction in her wake. A boy stumbles drunkenly after her, wearing only boxers, the beer in his hand spilling and sloshing up his arms, across his bare chest. A body jumps through the window we are facing, the glass falling like glistening rain, spreading through the room. The boy gets up, smiling, and runs away. Some sort of indie band is pounding from some stereo, somewhere in the house. I smell something burning. I light another cigarette. You hand me a beer and reach for another. Someone has set fire to the kitchen. You turn my head and kiss me, slowly. I lay my head back on your shoulder, absently brushing shards of glass from your pants. I inhale my cancer and close my eyes. Your hand moves from my waist to tangle in my hair. Somewhere, more glass is being destroyed. I hear a wall rip and collapse, followed by more laughter. I can taste the smoke from your cigarette drift across my face, your shoulder move as you exhale. I open my eyes in time to see the toilet be thrown through an external wall, blowing brick and drywall into the yard. A man follows it outside, a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other, with mirth dancing across his lips.
I close my eyes and take another drag; you take another sip.
Another window is broken. More drunken merriment. I smile. 

You can guess what's been on my mind.

"Once and addict, always an addict. Even if you're concentrating on staying away, in a way you are still concentrating on your addiction. Let go. Let it consume you, and then take a step back. Life will swallow you whole."

It's been awhile sense I felt this lost. I'll get over it though. I hope Adam finds a job soon, so he'll be able to pay for his gas so he can visit more, ha. I can't go back over there until Sunday. 

Last night Ian, Gina, Forrest and Mike came over to my house, and then we went over to Nick's to meet up with Dan, Landry, Mark, and Danielle. To get there, I drove my car and everyone piled into my trunk; it was awesome. Ian and I sat on the back porch, smoking and talking, and it was really nice. Nick has these lights strewn around, and it is all pretty cool and stuff. The only bad thing is Ian said he might have a crush on me, which I don't want to deal with right now. He understands though, because "we are cool like that." He's really just a big flirt, so it's no big deal. Nick's mom came home and she was all nice and whatever, but we had to leave anyway because Nick is grounded, haha. So we went to Dan's and ate cheap cake and pizza and watched "That 70's Show" in the pit that is his living room. We tried to start a fire in the gas fire place but that ended up scorching part of the couch, so we gave up on that pretty fast. 

Once again, Ian and I ended up on the back porch, and Athena joined us. It was really chill and great. Back inside, Ian and I got bored of watching the other guys see how long it would take for them to get kicked out of internet video chatrooms, and started playing "Spice Roulette" with the jars of spices on the spinny thing. Needless to say that after two turns we were fighting over who got to wash their mouth out in the sink first, haha. 

It was one of our more relaxed and chill nights, but it was still nice and kept my mind off things. I am sad that Timmy leaves today, I really missed that boy. 

Hopefully getting on track today. About to go to the grocery store with Mike for my mom. I am really glad that she loves my friends.