You let me down lightly, I killed you politely.

I've been working out more lately and it feels pretty good. Last night we were up at IHOP and took over the whole smoking section, which was pretty funny. No sleep what so ever, and then went swimming in the morning at 5. It felt amazing to be in the water again, but fucking exhausting. 

I think I'm finally finding something to be a part in? Who knows. Indecisions, abound. 

Commence ramblings below.

[Scratch that. Everything I have ever known is falling to pieces around me, and it is terrifying. While looking for stability I have consequently uprooted everything in my life, and I am now grasping at smoke and lies, trying to find something to hold on to. Everything is a lost cause, and nothing is worth the effort I have been putting forth, it seems. I have decided to give up on people. I have one best friend, and even he leaves me in two weeks. The severity of my 'situation', of the overwhelming, encompassing loneliness that will soon consume all, has only just been made all too real.] 

I can't wait for change.

Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head?
And does he sing to you incessantly from the space between your bed and wall?
Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes?
Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you.
Oh, does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched
and does he cry through broken sentences like I love you far too much?

Does he lay awake listening to your breath?
Worried you smoke too many cigarettes.
Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor?
For every speck of tile there's a thousand more
you won't ever see but most hold inside yourself eternally

Well, I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death.
In every city, memories would whisper: "Here is where you rest."
I was determined in Chicago but I dug my teeth into my knees
and I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

And I kissed a girl with a broken jaw that her father gave to her.
She had eyes bright enough to burn me. They reminded me of yours.
And in a story told she was a little girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field
and there were rows of ripe tomatoes where a secret was concealed.
And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands.
And it stretched for centuries to a diary entry's end where I wrote,
You make me happy oh!! when skies are gray
You make me happy oh!! when skies are gray and gray and gray.

Well the clock's heart it hangs inside its open chest with hands
stretched towards the calendar hanging itself
but I will not weep for those dying days.
For all the ones who've left there's a few that stayed.
And they found me here and pulled me from the grass where I was laid.