I think it's more interesting to see people who don't feel appropriately. I relate to that, because sometimes I don't feel anything at all for things I'm supposed to, and other times I feel too much. It's not always like it is in the movies.
I've gone and made myself sad.
I'll still be that bitch, that tease, that whore, the girl who will break your heart or mend your soul. I'll lead you on and drop you on your ass or I'll teach you how to hold your head high and stand proud. I am what you make me. In the end, I am your canvas and you are just another fool who thinks they can make me into a masterpiece.
“Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.”
Back home to Denton in the morning. I am so ready for this, you have no idea. My mother has driven me (more) insane.
This semesters goals include: Getting back to my work out routine, getting off academic alert and bringing up my grades quite a bit, and finding a job and staying on track, somehow. I have given up on quitting smoking for now, because I guess a lot of the time I just really need a cigarette.
I am excited to be out of this fucking town again.
"You are stunning and I mean that in the most whole and sincere way possible. You are of course beautiful but when I say you’re stunning it's not in reference to your beautiful eyes or kissable stomach or those invaluable artist’s hands, but that you are stunning. You. We were going through my old journals today and there was a massive shift in my life the day I met you. My thoughts were bleak and hopeless and suddenly there was light and beauty. You replaced my anxiety with calm and my anger with hope. You changed my life. I know I am cold sometimes. I know I can be indecisive and unemotional, so I need you to hear this. I love you and everything changed the day I met you. No matter what happens from here on out you have taught me how to look in the mirror and see someone beautiful, you have taught me how to close my eyes and take the risk because it is worth it, you have taught me how to trust and let myself be loved. Do you see what I mean when I tell you how stunning you are? I hope you’re having sweet dreams and I hope you see this in the morning. I love you."
You're too late.
I don't know what I am doing. I am lost. People are going to end up getting hurt, and it is my fault but I don't know what to do.
I want someone to tell me what to do. Baaah.
